Rust
the beginning of becoming
Prompt Color: Rust, 20 minutes timed.
The beginning of becoming- Deana Downs
I just came across this photo of me, age 13, with my Mother. It was taken at my Grandparent’s home. The most interesting thing about this image, is how our clothing matches the rust colored furniture, and each other. I look smug or maybe bemused, and my Mother looks unamused and stylish. I loved those platform heels, they were certainly ‘Candies’ and I likely bought them with my baby sitting money. We couldn’t have sat farther apart on that couch. It looks as if I am in action, or telling another one of my funny stories.
Whatever I am doing is taking away the attention from her, and she is not thrilled. I am completely unaware that any of this is taking place. I am just doing my self appointed job of being the funny one, and the story teller in my family. Someone had to, otherwise the silence might be too deafening. While I may not remember this photo being taken, what I do remember is that this is the age I was, when she remarried. It is the time when we stopped living with my grandparents, when we moved, and I began to feel the amount of control I was under.
Did I even choose this outfit myself? Or was I told to wear it? No idea, it just matches or complements her clothing a little too much. Based on the type of clothing I am wearing, in a few months I will start high school, as if my life hadn’t been upended enough. It began a period of intense control and freedom. I couldn’t date boys, but I could stay home alone with my sister while my parents went on vacation. My grandparents were only a mile or two away. It’s all good right? No, it is not good, and it wasn’t alright.
My brain is full of rust colored memories, this picture that I just so happened to see today in a stack of photos, is a snapshot of me in the making, and the beginning of my becoming.