Part of my journey as a healer has been continuing to learn ways to grow personally and professionally. Yoga was something I did, the deeper dive of the yoga teacher training taught me not only the benefits of the physical practice, but for me, it helped me learn a spirituality that would support my entire being.
When I decided to take the Yoga Teacher training in 2013 through the Yoga Center of Minneapolis, I had already been practicing yoga for about five years. Taking the yoga teacher training helped me to understand the practice of yoga on a level that was more in depth, and would further expand my personal and physical growth. For me, the practices and philosophy of yoga and buddhism supports me in all aspects of my being, which helps me navigate being a person in this world with more awareness and clarity.
During our studies, we read a book called The Yamas and Niyamas - Exploring Yoga’s Ethical Practice, by Deborah Adele. It is a well done book that lays out what theYamas and Niyamas are, and provides opportunities for self directed exploration. The book helps the reader easily understand the ethics, disciplines, tenets and observances of yogic thought. Since this is not meant to be a book review, I will stop here. It is not an overly long book but it is packed with useful information for those who are on the yogic path and want to dig deeper.
While the Yamas are about ‘restraints’, the Niyamas are about the ‘observances’ of yogic thought. When I came to the observance of ‘Svadhyaya’ I had an ‘aha' moment! This sanskrit word translates literally to mean ‘self study’ and more in depth, it means self study in recitation of the Vedas or other sacred text. The reason this word resonated with me was that for several decades, I’d been doing a deep dive of my own self awareness, my relationship to myself in the world, and analyzing my own belief systems that were no longer true, and that actually may have never been true. The stories we tell ourselves, or the conditioning from our family of origin, helps shape who we are and what we believe about ourselves and this world that we are a part of. Having discovered the word Svadhyaya, I had a context for what I had been working on. I felt so pleased discovering that there was a word that summed up what I had been personally experiencing and working on.
Since I had been working on Svadhyaya for quite awhile without even knowing it, I decided that for the next year I would take on another observance. The observance that I chose was the Sanskrit word ‘Santosha’ which means ‘Contentment’. Such a lofty goal! “I have decided to practice contentment for the next whole year!” Had I chosen to say that statement outloud, I might have reconsidered such a naive undertaking.
Very quickly into the new year, I discovered that Santosha was elusive, hard, and not a place that I was in, or could even get to. It turned out to be a year that was the complete opposite of contentment. I was in a state of discontent! What was I thinking? It was only a month into the new year and I was being bombarded with situations that showed me how not content I was in my life.
How do you practice contentment, when you realize that you are not content at all? Apparently you can't just decide to be content! This began another journey into more Svadhyaya. Svadhyaya doesn’t end, nor should it, unless you decide you are going to practice Santosha, then life will show you how you are not there yet, and that you have more work to do. As I type this, I am laughing at myself, I know better and yet, I am so very human. Practicing Santosha was great fodder for my ego mind. “Yes, take on Santosha, this will be good. You are not content, and the curve balls that are moving towards you will make it all very clear to you, proceed forward oh driven One.”
Not one to give up on my goals, I kept moving forward trying to find the contentment in the chaos. It did not work. For 18 months my life was not my own. I had a family crisis that needed my attention and Santosha became a distant memory. Sometimes life upends your everyday world, and all you can do is deflect the energy of what is coming at you by focusing on ‘what is the next most important thing to do right now?’
When the dust settled and the fires seemed to be out, we could breathe again. During those 18 months, I realized that I had completed a Master Class in Svadhyaya. Life continued on but I had been changed by my experiences, and had shape shifted numerous times to adapt to each situation that presented itself.
While contentment wasn’t in the cards for that year, I again reminded myself that you can’t just claim “Santosha”! However, I was able to find peace and beauty in the simplest everyday things; coffee, blue cloudless skies, hugs, and my garden. Maybe Santosha is meant to come in moments, not a year long quest. “Look at me, I am so content!” I think it is something we can experience in moments that bring us to the center of who we really are in our purest human form. It is not something to be sought after, to achieve or to attain. It is a state so simple that when we are in it, we may miss it or dismiss it. When we go back to the practice of Svadhyaya, and become the student and observer of ourselves, we can see the moments of Santosha, and feel the peace and ease within ourselves.
Until next time,
Deana~
